How Do I Find My Purpose After Divorce?

Purpose is as individual as breath so I can only share my story. When I was separated and still wondering if divorce was the right answer for me my identity was deeply challenged. I had been a husband, father, teacher and so many different titles, but were any of them my purpose or were they just activities that filled my day. I am very grateful I am still a father. That has become one of my main purposes. I still love teaching, but it has changed now that I am the sole earner in my household. There is a security that two incomes provides that is hard to replace. 

 

Now that the divorce is finalized and I have had time to grieve and reflect on what I did wrong during my marriage I am starting to develop a new purpose. One based on my growing passion for meeting people and sharing my story. Instead of finding a new purpose, I choose to develop the skills I need to forge my own destiny. 

 

It started with therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy  to be exact, so I will never claim to be a self made man. My Therapist helped me to replace core beliefs that I had had since I was a child with ones that were better suited for any adult. Thank you Kirstin. When Kristin and I concluded my CBT work, she told me that from her perspective, there was nothing more we needed to address in therapy.

 

I was not finished growing, in fact I still feel that those sessions were the first steps in becoming someone new. I started exploring other sources of support. Yahoo groups for socializing and I joined Al anon to help me better understand my para-alcoholism. Both helped me realize that growth did not have to happen alone.  I began reading self help books, business books and psychology to round out my own knowledge. Reading became another way of trying to understand not only what had happened to me, but also to guide me towards what I wanted to become. Little by little, I am building a life that looks different from the one I had before. 

 

The idea of starting a coaching business just appeared one day. I have been in education for a long time, but I have never had to entice people to be in my class. They are just there, so this is a record of the beginning of my journey. Maybe purpose after divorce is not something you find. Maybe it is something you gradually build through choices, relationships, responsibilities, curiosity, and most of all action.

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 Action Steps:

1. Identify What Matters to You Now. 

2. Follow your Curiosity.

3. Make One Meaningful Commitment. 

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Key Takeaway:

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Purpose after divorce isn't something you have to find all at once. It grows as you reconnect with what matters to you, explore new possibilities, and take small, intentional steps toward the life you want to build. 

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Additional Resources: 

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Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey. 

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